A mother who was supposed to be passing out profiles to college coaches at our tournaments instead spent the entire time telling the college coaches about her daughter only and how she was the best player on our team. Parents, if your kid is good enough to play college ball, the coaches will take notice; you do not have to manipulate the situation. Don’t be a Crazy Ass Parent.
Parents, I have a question. If your child came home from school and told you their new teacher yelled, screamed and cursed at them. Called them names like a loser, weak and soft, what would you do? And if you were able to speak to the teacher and they told you their behavior was meant to push them, to get the most out of them would you accept the behavior and the explanation. Many parents allow coaches to treat their kids like this so why not a teacher, or let’s say a youth minister? After all, isn’t matters of faith and education more important than sports? No parent I know would accept a teacher who behaves like this, so why allow a coach to do it.
In the past week I’ve had several dads of former players of mine tell me how their daughters were mentally and emotionally abused, mistreated and how they were not treated with the dignity and respect we would want them to get everywhere else in life. Well, they didn’t actually describe it this way. Instead, they let me know how good their daughters’ played this past summer for coaches they described as, “tough”, “hard, but good” and an “SOB” as one parent described the coach. They went on to say that the coaches are good coaches. Why are these coaches considered good?
Stop saying that it was good for your kid to be pushed by transactional coaches who use players as tools to meet their personal needs for validation. In the best book written about the effects of transactional coaching, Inside Out Coaching, they describe it this way. Transactional coaches operate on a quid pro quo basis to incentivize players to perform better; they look at what they can get out of coaching not what they can give, while ignoring the athletes’ developmental needs and often distort the value of winning and losing. A child’s worth should not be tied up in their performance.
So parents hear me LOUD and clear, it is never okay for a sports coach to treat your child in any way that does not give them the respect, dignity and honor they deserve. Remember teenage years are tough by themselves they do not need any adult, coach, teacher, priest or family relative abusing them in any way, shape or form. Not physically, mentally or emotionally, the effects that it has on them can be life altering.
In an article by the group MindBodyGreen (http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-26165/5-lingering-effects-of-emotional-abuse-and-how-to-heal-them.html) they list the 5 lingering effects of emotional abuse and how they affect female athletes later in life. They are Numbness (observe instead participate in the world), seeking approval (feeling like you are not enough), Resentment (resistant to reality), Judging & Analyzing (over analytical not trusting of others), Anxiety & Depression (Insomnia, appetite change, fear, sense of doom, hopelessness). They go on to say that after emotional abuse, there are so many lies that obstruct the heart, that there is no easy fix.
Parents there is no coaching or team worth playing on that puts your child at risk of these 5 lingering effects, or that teaches them to accept behavior that if put in any other context would not be okay.
How many dads would be okay with their daughter’s significant other getting in her face screaming and yelling at her about how she is worthless or inadequate because she didn’t cook a great meal or clean the house? What is the difference between a coach berating a child when she makes a mistake? If the daughter has been taught through her sports experience to accept this kind of behavior, then what’s going to make her not accept this type of behavior later in life. I can’t imagine a dad thanking that person for helping make their daughter a better cook or house cleaner. Dads, your daughters deserve better!
I am excited to share with you that my second book will drop on September 1, 2016. Over the next month in my blogs I will be sharing excerpts from the book.
I will also be asking for your help; my goal is to be an Amazon bestselling author. I need everyone to go on Kindle on Friday, September 2nd between 11am and noon Pacific Standard Time and purchase the book. If I out sale my category for that one-hour Amazon will name me a best seller. The book will be priced at $3.99. You can also be part of the pre-launch wait list by going to http://rightchoicecoaching.com/prelaunch/ . Ten free eBooks of my first title, The 7 Principles of Faith-Based Parenting will be raffled to people who purchase the book on September 2 between 11am and Noon.